Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I had no idea

I had no idea I'd be violently awakened from my sleep that morning. As I rushed to the porcelain throne, careful not to bump my toes, I wondered why? I had salad for lunch and no dinner. As I hung there waiting for the inevitable, it stopped as suddenly as it had started though it left me a bit woozy. I was not able to get back to sleep, just couldn't shake that strange feeling in the pit of my stomach...

I had no idea my cell phone would ring that morning, no one calls me at work.
I had no idea I forgot my charger so my cell battery was dead.
I had no idea I would be asked to come to Mama's house as soon as I could.
I had no idea August 27, 2009 would change my life.

I had no idea the call I missed was my mother calling for help.
I had no idea what the news at Mama's house would be so bad.
I had no idea that my baby sister, probably at the moment I was awakened, lay on the seat of her car shot three times.

I had no idea there would never be another chance to right wrongs.
I had no idea there would never be another chance to say let me help you.
I had no idea there would never be another chance to love you or I'm proud of you.

I had no idea God would touch me and strengthen me from the inside out that morning.
I had no idea how important it would be for me to be so strong over the days to follow.
I have no idea how long it's going to take for my feet to finally touch the ground again. When will this stop being a bad dream.

Keep stitchin'

3 comments:

Melodye said...

BeeJai, it does get better. But it's going to take time. One day you'll notice the sun again, one day you'll laugh and mean it, one day it won't hurt so much. Until then know that there are those of us who care for you and are praying for your strength.

Sheila said...

Sorry to hear about your loss and my deepest condolences goes out to you and your family.

T. Joi said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It always hurts more when it's a shock. I remember. You are in my thoughts and prayers.